Someone who completed one my past Mindfulness- Based Stress Reduction Skills(MBSR) courses called me to share her success in using MBSR to manage intense anxiety triggered by this bright pink, cheery envelope.  Naturally, I was intrigued.  “What happened?” I asked.

“Well.  I got this pink envelope in the mail and it did not have a return address, which was the first trigger for my anxiety.  I wondered, ’Who was sending me this card-sized envelope at the end of July?’  There was no holiday or birthday to be celebrated, so I was suspicious.  Then I noticed the handwriting…it looked like an older woman’s handwriting.” 

 She went on to describe her awareness of her negative, automatic thoughts triggered by The Pink Envelope.  She was approaching the  anniversary of living in a house that she has rented for 12 years, and with the shaky economy and her husband’s job loss last fall, she was afraid that this pink envelope was a notice from her landlady to increase the rent—or worse—or a 30-day notice to move out.  “It looked like her handwriting!”

“In the past this would have totally stressed me out.  I might have avoided opening it.  The shift in my mood would cause me to be unpleasant to be around, and my poor husband and dog might not receive the quality of my attention they deserve.  …and I probably would have gotten an intense headache!” 

She went on to share that because she had been practicing formal mindfulness on a regular basis (she learned how to do this in the class) and became aware of her patterns of thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations, she immediately recognized that The Pink Envelope triggered a cascading and nearly overwhelming stressful  bodily response.  

 ”I noticed the tightness in my chest, the shallowness of my breath, the feeling of fear, and the risk of becoming consumed by what was inside of the envelope.”   When she noticed this, she was able to take a few deep breaths–just focus on her breathing for a few moments–to restore some control over these sensations.  This allowed her to challenge the evidence of her fortune-telling and catastrophizing that The Pink Envelope was something scary.

“I walked inside the house, set the envelope on the table, and with my full attention  greeted my husband and my dog who were eagerly waiting for me.  Afterward, I decided to face The Pink Envelope.  I told myself, I was being ridiculous and asked myself ’Why would my landlady send me a formal notice in a pink envelope?’ 

“I grabbed the envelope, tore it open, and discovered a beautiful photo of a friend’s newborn baby/announcement.  I took a deep breath, told myself that I was an idiot, rolled my eyes and shook my head at myself.  Aware that I was now beating myself up, I took another deep breath, forgave myself, blew it away, and took my dog for a delightful walk!” 

No longer consumed by negative thoughts, anxiety, self-judgement or the once-dreaded Pink Envelope, she was able to take in the full experience of her neighborhood, the smell of flowers blooming, the cool breeze against her skin, delighting in her dog’s wonder and curiosity about all of the new smells, and enjoy the remainder of her day.

The next MBSR course starts in September! For more information or to register, please visit:  www.WhyMBSR.WordPress.com              or www.KimRoser.net

 Online registration will open soon.  If you have questions, please call me (619) 379-7450.

http://www.aafp.org/afp/2007/1115/p1518.html

Mind-body therapies such as biofeedback, cognitive behavior therapy, hypnosis,
meditation, and relaxation training can affect neural substrates and have been
shown to be effective treatments.

We’ve all been there: recipients of unpleasant news or decisions by others that would negatively impact our lives and our feeling of peace.  Job loss (or the threat of it); changes to importance relationships through divorce, death, or breaches of trust.  Stress is a part of life.  Our emotions (negative and positive) are a part of being human.  However, sometimes we may find ourselves getting stuck in our stress, unable to move past our difficult circumstances.  Sometimes chronic anxiety and depression may ensue. Sometimes people develop stress-related medical conditions.  However, it is important to remember that we still have power and choices we can make.

It All Boils Down to Three Simple Choices.  We can:

1. Continue suffering; or
2. Try to change the situation or how we feel about the situation; or
3. Radically accept what has happened.

When we “radically” accept, we are accepting completely, wholly.  For most people, acceptance is a process.  We don’t just wake up  one morning and decide, “Today I will accept ‘xyz’ situation” and not continue to experience stress related to the event.  Inevitably, a thought, memory, or encounter will trigger the emotions preventing us from accepting, and then we simply must begin the process of accepting again. 

Acceptance doesn’t mean that you agree with what has happened, but that you accept that a certain set of facts/events have taken place.  It involves letting go of fear and anger.  To radically accept, we might have to “let go” over and over.  When we move into acceptance, we can take back our power and begin to take the necessary steps to improve our circumstances and rebuild our lives.

If you need help with accepting and letting go, you might benefit from individual and confidential counseling or psychotherapy.  Another alternative is taking a stress-reduction course that helps you become calm and grounded within yourself.

The next MBSR courses start June 9th and Sept 29th.

When the nurse stepped toward the door, I asked  her to let my client know of my presence and to find out whether or not she wanted me to come in.  When my client invited me into the room, I witnessed her suffering.  She was writhing in pain.  (She was also refusing the nurse’s recommendation that she go to the hospital).  Because I had already primed myself with mindful breathing, I could attend to her needs in my role as her therapist.  As I sat with my client, I invited her to focus on her own breath…then  the coolness of the sheets on her bed…the sensation of the bed supporting her…then the weight of the blanket on her legs.  Prompting her to become mindful of these tactile experiences helped take the focus away from her pain. 

“It’s better,” she said.  She appeared more relaxed and to be suffering less.  When her pain rose again, she writhed and cried out.  I prompted her to again focus on her breath, the sheets, the bed and the blanket.  Guiding her like this  for several minutes, helped her manage her pain and reduce her suffering.  Being mindful of my own breath helped me stay calm and present for her.  “Don’t leave me,” she said.  “I’ll stay for as long as I can,” I replied. 

I wondered if she might die that day.  Today, I learned that she did.  This post is dedicated to her:  a woman who was chronically suicidal for most of her adult life, was able to build a life worth living, and eventually die a natural death.  It was an honor to work with her.

For information about upcoming MBSR classes and to register click here.

For information about upcoming MBSR classes and to register click here.

I don’t say “create a stress-free life”, because that is simply not realistic.  We all experience stress in various ways, and while we can work to reduce stressors, it is helpful to better manage our reactions to stress.  Learn to respond to stress, not react.

For information about upcoming MBSR classes and to register click here.